Bloody Quill from Judy L Mohr
Recently, the Christchurch Writers’ Guild held their first ever annual awards dinner. As part of the awards, our members were invited to share snippets of their writing. This is just one of the extracts that graced the imaginations of our membership.
This snippet was submitted by
Judy L Mohr for consideration for the Bloody Quill, stories about death scenes.
The Rabbit
by Judy L Mohr
(Note from Writer: This excerpt is a removed chapter from my manuscript that will never see the light of day again. While the backstory behind the scene may find its way into my second novel, the scene itself will be scraped. But it’s a beloved scene, that I just loved (crying every time I read it). Unfortunately, it added no value to the novel as a whole.)
Marianne closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. She held out her hands over Drezel’s body. “Pesgrema, tremaye des sen dosemor esdarme.” Sign of Love, guide my magic to save this soul. Her hands radiated with the light of her magic, sending everything she could into Drezel, but it was no use. Her magic was unable to heal her sister. Marianne collapsed backward in exhaustion.
The Master knelt next to her and held her close. “You have been at this for the past hour, Marianne. She’s gone.”
Beyond the closed door, cries echoed. Marianne knew the children were scared.
The tears flowed down her cheeks. As the cries of the children grew louder in her ears, Marianne gritted her teeth and pushed the Master’s arms away. “I refuse to believe there’s nothing we can do.”
“Marianne,” the Master started to say, but her passion for others rose rapidly to the surface. Her long strawberry blond hair stood out like flames waving in the wind.
“This is all your fault,” she said with an eerie calm. “You deliberately took actions that put us all in danger. You had her poisoned. You had her mate poisoned. And if not for an accident, you would have poisoned my daughter!”
“Marianne, I…”
“No.” She put up her hand to silence him. “I don’t want to hear it. Right now, someone I love very much needs my help. Just… Stay out of my way.”
She turned her back on the old man and continued to work. She could feel his scrutinizing eyes on her as she constructed yet another potion. He couldn’t see the point, but Marianne simply refused to give in to his way of thinking. There had to be something, anything, that she could do.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” the Master asked.
“Tell you what?” She crushed the beetles she intended to add to the new potion.
“I’m referring to the Circle of Three spell the two of you conducted four years ago. Why would you keep the link a secret?”
She looked down at her hands, numbly. She always knew the past would come back to haunt them. History was repeating itself, but this time there was nothing she could do about it. “Because, without you, the Family is lost,” she said, her voice cracking. “With the Seniors gone, you were dying. We couldn’t let that happen.”
He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and encouraged her to turn around. “Death is a part of Life’s journey. Eventually, it comes for us all. All we can do is search for those little things that bring joy to our lives.
“You were six years old when I found you tied to that post, so lost and confused. I couldn’t leave you there—this beautiful, young girl, who I’ve raised as a daughter ever since. You’re my pride and joy, Marianne, even if you aren’t my flesh and blood. I love you—which is why I can’t let you continue to sacrifice yourself like this.
“Do you not remember the rabbit? Brandon and his wife had been attacked. You were there when they arrived back in camp. True to the Healer you are, you spared no thought to what his pain would do to you; you just used your magic to heal him, closing the stab wounds in his chest. He should have died of those wounds, but you put everything into that spell. When it was over, you laid on the ground gasping for air, dying. Your pet rabbit curled up next to you and pushed himself into your hand. The next thing we all knew, the rabbit was dead and you were on the road to recovery. It was so hard for you to understand that it was because of you, the rabbit was dead, but that rabbit gave his life to save yours willingly. He knew, just as I did, sometimes to save one life, you have to sacrifice another.
“I know the sacrifice you and Drezel made for me. You gave up on happiness to save me. There is nothing I can do that could ever repay that debt. However, if you continue to attempt to heal Drezel, you will die. There are no rabbits this time to give their life for you.”
Tears flooded down her face, her body shook with the sobbing. He was right. Nothing was working. The Master often told her that she was the most powerful magician of Health he had ever met. If she couldn’t save Drezel with her magic, then Health was not the answer.
“It’s time, Marianne,” the Master said. “She stopped breathing an hour ago. Her body is already cold and stiff. Feel her. Her life force is gone. She’s crossed the void between Life and Death. She’s gone.”
Marianne’s knees gave way. “But her hands still glow. She hasn’t severed the ties.”
“I know. She should be with the land right now. However, for some reason, she’s chosen to stay with her body. Regardless, we can’t let the Bleeder demons gain access to her magic. We have to help what’s left of her soul make its final journey.”
Marianne sagged to the ground crying. Drezel was dead.
About the author:
Kiwi Judy L Mohr writes fantasy filled with adventure, dark monsters, humor and romance. She is also a freelance editor with Black Wolf Editorial (http://blackwolfeditorial.com), working on projects from writers around the world. Judy is currently the president of the Christchurch Writers’ Guild, but is also a member of SpecFic New Zealand and the Scribophile on-line writing community. She is also one of the NaNoWriMo Municipal Leaders for her region. When Judy is not writing or editing, she can be found in her backyard looking through her telescope, or in the New Zealand bush enjoying the world around her. You can visit her at personal blog (http://judylmohr.com), or follow her on twitter (@JudyLMohr).
Christchurch Writers' Guild 
May 8, 2016 at 9:10 pm
Well Judy i really enjoy reading that small ummm, segment, that was written from your heart, you wrote it, as it is, from your heart…why you wanted to leave it out of your book ummm, those words were Deleted (what a harsh word:Deleted) yes it was written with warmth and love…at that exact moment you wrote something down, as you felt it, as you wanted readers to feel, that loss…that empty spiralling loss…Judy my dear you have a lot to answer for, none the less, i thought it was good.
March 25, 2017 at 8:59 am
It was removed from the manuscript because it didn’t push the story forward. It doesn’t matter how well written something is, if it doesn’t add value, it needs to go. In the case of this scene, a reader is able to go from the previous chapter to the one that came after with without missing a beat. I loved the scene so much, which is why I was happy to share it with others, but this particular iteration of the backstory will never be used in any manuscript.